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“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars” Les Brown

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About Taking Decision

I think life is about taking decision… starting from small things like clothes that you want to wear every morning or food you eat for lunch or dinner, car or house that you want to buy, to big things like the school or job you take, the religion you choose to believe, and the person you want to marry. You can also decide whether you want to be happy or not with your decisions. Life is about choices.

Some people are brave enough to take big risks. Some people just love to be in the comfort zone. Some people take decision with careful action and calculated risks. Some people do things impulsively. Nothing is wrong with neither ones… At the end of the day, it’s your life that you are living. It’s your life!

However, not every decision is wise or right. People must have made mistakes along their way. People sometime make bad choices. We are just human after all. What we need to remember is that every decision will lead you to different path of life. Make sure that you don’t live the life that you will regret someday.

I am not kind of people who like to do peculiar and wild things because I am comfortable with my normal life. I like my stable normal life. But my life could not be called normal last year. It was completely peculiar, wild, and dark for my standard. I made some very bad decisions. I chose the road that I knew from the start I should not take. I should have known the ending from the very start. However, I had chosen to take my big risks. Apparently, it was the biggest mistake I had ever made in my entire 38 years life.

Tonight I am thinking deeply… Do I ever regret what had happened? Do I regret my decisions? The answer is NO. Along with the heartaches and pains caused by my decisions, in fact I learn a lot. I learn about people’s character. I learn about seeing things from different people’s point of view. I learn about friendship. I learn about hanging on in the difficult and painful period. I learn to be sensitive and understand my inner being as a woman. I learn the differences about being a woman and a man.

And the most important thing is I learn about trusting the One who decide our fates. To trust that everything in this world is just and the Universe works in its own magical way to give back to people according to how they give to others. Bottomline… to have faith.

I know that I am living a life that I will not regret. At least I tried. At least I took my chances and I spoke my words. No regret, although maybe it’s the biggest mistake in my life.

Karma is a Bitch if You are One

For the first time in my life… I feel like I have no spirit and soul. I walk, work, eat, do everything like a living zombie. This heartache is just so painful. How could you treat me so badly? I feel like a trash… dumped after being used.

I don’t know how long I will feel like this. Today I reached my bottom rock. I woke up this morning and I just wanted to die. My red rashes are getting worse. Plus I have fever. Terrible fever. I went to the doctor for the third time this month. I feel like I am boneless. It is so heavy even to carry my cell phone.

I did all the thing I could to get you to answer me. I cried… I begged… I sent hundreds of text and voice messages, called. The silence is hurt me even more. I would rather being told the truth instead of being ignored like this. How hard could it be just to answer me? You should realize that the most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and explained. You could just have ended it better with me.

DO ME A FAVOR. BE HONEST WITH ME. THAT’S ALL I ASK FOR. It is better than being silence. Your honesty might sting but it is better than ignoring me like this.

Someday…. I believe Karma will come and catch you. I wish you will feel the same way that I feel nowadays. Someday, you will experience what you did to me or you will see your loved ones experience what you did to me. I wish Karma will slap you harder and you will feel 1000 times more miserable than me. What comes around, goes around. Karma has no deadline. When that day come… you will remember me and all the things you had done and hurt me. You will see it… someday. Karma is a bitch, if you are one. And I think you are!

Annoying Bitch

My logic says I have to flee. I have to stop. He might be danger. He could be anyone. He might be not the man he told me in his stories. But the heart says the other way around.

I am that stupid. Apparently. I keep sending messages eventhough I am being ignored. No reply… not even once. I am waiting patiently everyday. Sometime I just want to post things in his timeline just to get his attention.

That hurts. When someone you really really care is igonoring you. Am I that annoying? I keep thinking why why why? Am I just an annoying bitch in his eyes?

When You Cry

Whenever I feel sad and cry, I remember this and feel comforted.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

However, my sadness has not ceased even a bit since 3 weeks ago. I feel like losing my soul. Everyday is a battle to keep my sanity.

Welcoming 2016

For all the sadness, heart-broken, and tears.
For all the happy and joyful times.
For all the lonely times.
For all the friends, family, and loved ones.
For all the stumbling blocks and failures.
For all the success and achievement.
For all the fears. For all the courage.
For all the trials that is allowed to happen
For all the blessings from above
For all the bad things. For all the good things.

I thank God for allowing me gone through highs and lows in 2015. For whatever happened, my heart choose to believe that His loving kindness will never end. He gives and takes away. However, there’s always hope. His plan will never fail.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. 9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
–Isaiah 55:8-9 (ESV)

HAPPY NEW YEAR. May we will be comforted with God’s love and promises for our life. May His blessings empowers us to be blessings for the people around us. May 2016 will be a fresh new start for all of us.

A Birthday Note (July 29, 2015)

Sometime in life people feel that life just passes by. Everything goes the same everyday… you wake up in the morning, go to work, go home, and feel tired, sleep. Everything goes in the same repetition. Like a song played hundreds time in CD player… firstly play you like it a lot, you sing along, but then after hundreds of it, you are just sick of it.

Yes, sometime I feel my life just passes me by and I feel sick in it. Especially in the beginning of 2015. I had injury last year which caused me to be in the wheel chair for almost 4 months and made me using crouch for nearly 3 months. I had miserable feeling all time. I felt my life passes me by everyday. I got angry to God for letting me experienced that 6 hell months. I was not a happy person at all.

In the midst of that life repitition… however, universe had unique ways to make my life more exciting and colorful. I believe it is fate.

Fate allowed me to meet new people who brought some spices in my life, made me laugh, happy, fall in love, break the heart, cry, and feel other mixed emotions. Fate brought me to new experiences that I had never been before. I also made mistake that I was not proud of, learned from it, and it taught me many lessons to get wiser.

The most important things was… all those occurances reminded me that… hey… God gives me a life, an exciting one, and a purposed life. In all my brokenness, I am being reminded that God loves me with His unchanging love. Life will be bumpy… with rocky roads as well as ups and downs. But I am not alone. What matters to me, matters to God. Even he counts and put my tears in His jar.

Today I am turning 39 years old. When I flashed back and contemplated of what had happened in the past one year, especially in 2015, I feel grateful and blessed. Things happens for some reasons… I might not know every reasons, but I believe it is for my own goodness.

I am excited for my upcoming journey. My pray for this year is that I will have a fruitful life, not just a life that passes me by. I want to be blessings for others… and brings changes and meaning to many people wherever I am. I want to be a better person… have more love, more joy, more generousity to share with my loved ones as well as with less unfortunate people.

Today, I say. thank you Jesus for everything. Forever I will say, God is good.

#blessedbirthday #thankyouJesus

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One Fine Weekend at Lovina

I went to Bali this weekend to attend Lili and Michiel’s Wedding Festival in Lovina, Bali. Lili is a good friend who is now currently living in Netherlands. We met at a business trip and we have become friends afterwards. I am very happy that she and Michiel finally tied the knot. They have been together for a few years and they really look happy together. Sometime… I envy her. 

I was hesitant to go at the first time just because I did not have friends to go with. Friends that I expected to go together apparently could not make it. In addition, Lovina is very far… it is 3 hours from Denpasar. But then, I decided to book my ticket, accomodation, and transport just three weeks before the wedding day. I am glad that I did it. Any good friend would do the same.

The holly matrimony was done in Cathedral Church in Jakarta, but the Wedding Party (or they called it Wedding Festival) was taken in Villa Budha, a very nice villa in Seririt Area.

Unlike the other wedding, their wedding was rather unique… quirky, but very fun and intimate. It started with a Thanks Giving Mass and Holly Communion.

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The  it was followed by fun games (yeap… they had “Cracker Eating”, “Put Pencil in Bottle”, “Balloon Dancing”, the kids game which are usually done in Indonesia Independence Day), photo sessions, dinner, speech by maid of honors, and wedding cake cut ceremony.

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We also flew 50 Lampions to the sky as the sign of hope and good wishes for the bride and groom. But Lili made this occasion to wish her good friends a special wish, each one of them. Her hope for me is that I will find “the one”. She gave me her flower bouquet for good luck. You know… the one who got the flower bouquet at the wedding will be the next bride. I was so touched and I just couldn’t hold my tears. Being in the wedding always brings out my sentimental feeling, but this kind of hope bursts the feeling out.

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Anyway… I had a good time in Lili and Michiel’s wedding. I am so happy for both of them and wishing them lots of joy, happiness, blessings in their marriage life. May they always remember that love is kind, love is patient, love is not easily angered, and love does not keep wrong records. May both of them always remember and keep their wedding vow… till death do us part.

Finally, my one fine weekend in Lovina has just ended. My solo trip was not as lonely as I thought. It was just slightly quiet, with lots of “soul searching me time”. I even managed to go Dolphin Watching by myself the day after the wedding and enjoyed a nice stop at Strawberry Stop in Bedugul.

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And… here I am, sitting in Ngurah Rai Airport, waiting for my flight back to Jakarta which is still 3 hours to go.

Bali, Sunday, June 22, 2015.

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