I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her. – Notting Hill movie
That quote is coming from my fave part of Notting Hill, the movie which starred the famous Julia Roberts as Anna Scott (a famous actress) and Hugh Grant as William Thacker (a travel bookstore owner, living and having his book store in Nottinghill).
In that specific scene, Anna come to William and tell him she wants to renew their relationship, saying that “the fame thing isn’t really real” and that she is “just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her”. Will hears her out, but says that if she later rejected him again he could not handle it, and turns her down. Of course… the movie ends with a happy ending.
Sadly, love and relationship in real life is not always like a movie with a happy ending. Couples break up, divorces happen, weddings are canceled, singles have their heart broken. Those events can be very traumatic, chaotic, and filled with contradictory emotions. It may leave people feeling in denial, shock, betrayal, loss of control, victimization, decreased self esteem, insecurity, anger, lonely, and grief.
The worst part of all, I think, is the feeling of loneliness. Even when you can finally accept the situation, move on, and slowly feel “in control”, loneliness still creeps in and stays… and everyday you are longing for significant someone, sometime simply just to connect and talk. But more often to share your life with, your ups and downs, hopes, and dreams. Someone who just understands and no matter how bad your situation will say, “Everything is gonna be alright”.
Some people can not relate well with loneliness. Most of my marriaged friends could not relate with it, of course because they have their spouses. I used to be one of them as well. I used to be always fine without a boy friend for many years, until a year ago.
I am not really sure how it happened. It just happened. Living in Jakarta, where people are busy, crazy traffic sometime won’t allow you to meet your friends often, and friends basically are busy with their new little family reinforce the condition. First loneliness came and went away infrequently. But then the frequency was higher. One day I realize I have a chronic long loneliness period and sometime I just want to cry, longing for someone to share both my joy and burdens with.
So are you lonely? Welcome to the club. You are not alone. Many many people I know go through the loneliness period as well. It’s perfectly normal. We are human being after all.
If I and you alone go through loneliness, apps like Tinder alike will not be booming nowadays, affairs and hook ups will not happen, and in addition suicidal can be prevented. Tinder and apps alike, affair, and hook up facilitate the needs and desires to connect and be intimate with people, even if it only serves as a short and temporary escape.
I don’t say that Tinder is bad. Having someone, even it is only on your screen, sharing your up and down stories on day to day basis, does feel really really good. Especially if you found a decent nice guy among those random men. However, it might not last long. It’s virtual by its nature. I ended mine badly and as soon as the chat stopped, I could not deny that the loneliness hit me hard.
Fighting loneliness takes efforts which will take you (or at least, me) to an emotional roller coaster journey. It does take courage to open yourself and your wounded heart for that “someone”. You need to be brave to take the chance and embrace the possibilities. However, at the same time you need to be ready for anything that might not work as you wish.
I guess in everyone of us, men and women, we have Anna Scott inside us. We are crying:
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.
I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love him.
We don’t want to feel lonely. All of us want to be loved. All we ask is someone to love us and maybe… maybe the world is not as lonely as we think.
So… Let’s be brave, take courage, and have faith. That “someone” might come at the end when we try hard enough or maybe when our fate come. I know… I just know.